Newton, Massechusets

Yesterday I met Orville Pierson and his wife. They both did work with a guru in the 70's that helped them understand their spiritual paths. After a few good conversations, Orville was to my surprise interested in my thoughts and compelled to point out that I was a very High person - that for my age both in this life and in the Dharma cycle, I was advanced greatly in my sense of larger understanding. While identifying with most everything I've been going through on that level, his suggestions to me can be summed up as listening to the universe by going inside yourself rather than projecting into the cosmos, as often times this is easier to do and is more personal in the experience and insight gained; Attending to the help of mantras and even music as a focus ; and to find my own guru to help sort through the spiritual planes, from either internal or external directions of entrance. Those kinds of journeys always need some kind of guide with some experience to help you understand and deal with what is encountered.

The poem below was inspired by a meditation last night where I removed myself from my thought stream in preparation for sleep. But as I was watching and even bemusing at my thoughts whilst they assembled into a pile of white noise (there was quite a bit of garbage data floating through my head) something disturbing and eventually paralyzingly frightening occured. I collected the resonant white noise of my thoughts into a little ball and watched them float away. The void in which my true self had centered was awaiting the flow of the Tao to arrive, on which it could take my spirit deep inside for a nice drift into sleep. But instead of a quiet stream of trickling and peaceful energy, that newly established void was quickly filled with the energy of external spirits that were not at all peaceful. My soul was paralyzed and my body stopped breathing properly. The void was under an accelerating invasion of feelings and entities only describable as fearful, sad, creepy, evil, moaning, pained, disturbing, and aggressive essences. I could only finally dispel them by forcing myself to breath, reopening my mindvalve a little ways, and calling on the mantra of Jesus Christ to come and help me cancel that shit so I could simply pass out.

The most unsettling thing about it was that it seemed like when I let go of my thought noise and prepared to meditate into the greater planes, I became momentarily vulnerable, as if being in that state of limbo turned me into a blinking red fish-in-a-barrel target for (I hate to use the cliched term here, but I somewhat applies) demonic possession. I know now what Orville said about the help of a guru guide. But it's still unsettling - why am I such a high priority target for external entities? Because that sort of thing had happened to be before, I just didn't register what it was at the time. I hope there are other external energies and spirits out there who are more kindly or better yet will just leave me alone.

Om Namah Shivaya, Jesus Christos.
Until I find a guru somehow, these mantras get me by for now -
"I submit to my inner consciousness"
to step away from the chattering of my mind
"Jeshua the Anointed"
to watch my back from behind
And why?

Because of what I find inside the void next to my mind -
The mind is a processor of information,
Input and Output;
The mind is a filter of perceptions,
Half truths and constraints;
The mind is a live wire,
60 Hz hum and distorted signals;
The mind is a distraction,
Data Buckets and misunderstandings;
The mind is the ugliest part of your body,
Frank Zappa;
The mind is a tool,
Numbers and Colors and Relational links;
The mind is Dual,
Id and Ego

But when I begin to step aside
and watch the chatter on that line
The void between gets filled with fear
and demons: Ill spirits, crowding too near
Blocking my Tao.